AbstractThe birth of a multi‐handicapped child frequently creates a series of unexpected problems for the extended family constellation. This article focuses on the personal responses of a father as he discovers, experiences, and accepts the trauma associated with complex medical interventions designed to preserve the precarious existence of a handicapped child. As the medical procedures ultimately prove to be ineffectual, the impact of the child's death upon the immediate family also is traced in a highly personal manner. Throughout this chronicle, the meaning of pain and love are intertwined in a deepening understanding and appreciation of lif