It is argued that a child with intellectual disability represents an ongoing source of loss and grief for parents. A developmental framework was employed to compare three age cohorts of parents. Grief was operationalized within the affective, behavioural and cognitive domains. Measures of intrusive thoughts, avoidance behaviours, current emotional distress over reminders of time of diagnosis of disability, and intensity of wishing for what might have been were used, collectively, to reflect the parents' grief reactions. As hypothesized, the results indicate no significant age‐related differences in the responses of 58 parent dyads but significant gender‐relatd differences. Mothers scored higher than fathers on all measures. However, on the Wishing Scale, there were no significant differences between fathers and mothers. It is concluded that grieving, as defined, is an ongoing feature of rearing a child with intellectual disability and is more intense for mothers than fathers. Results are discussed within the implications for research and practice, with particular reference to the merit of programmes and services which empower parents and strengthen bonds of partnership between parents and profession