In this essay I attempt to map the dimensions of my own move away from a cybernetic‐biologic analogy for “family‐systems” therapy. Central to this shift has been social construction theory augmented by two other lenses: a second‐order view, and a sensitivity to gender. These conceptual tools have helped me to distance myself from my previous therapeutic stance and to envision a very different model, one that is less strategic and instrumental, and more collaborative and un