The author offers, for those newly entering laboratory society, a simple guide to the proprieties and niceties of conduct therein. Customs dealt with include: making an entry to the laboratory; its arrangement and the nature of the tasks it provides; the proper manner of discovering the nature of those tasks; the fashion after which it is appropriate to regard the manuscript provided; correct behavior in the conduct of the experiment, and the necessities to be observed in recording its outcome; all this, together with more general advice about comportment in the laboratory and the benefits which may be obtained from it. [Editor’snote: The editors have already drafted a letter of response for correspondents who will take this article seriously—and another for those who do not!]