This article, which is based on in‐depth interviews of gay men who had been married, focuses on the nature of the spousal relationship and the almost inevitable marital disruption. It describes the conditions which bring about the man's disclosure of his homosexuality, the means of disclosure he uses, the wife's response, and the interactional effects the disclosure and response have on the marriage relationship. Most of the marriages ended in divorce. Regardless of whether the wife was accepting or rejecting of her husband as a homosexual, she appeared to be an enabler of his transition to a homosexual lifestyle. Implications for counseling are discusse